If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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