did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
