I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
