mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm having to shit out rocks
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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