Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
