Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
