You just made me feel so damn special
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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