Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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