Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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