I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
