Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
