tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
