Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
