I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
