I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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