You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
