It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
