Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
