apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
