My Higher Power is John Stamos
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
