How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
