I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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