Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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