chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
