Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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