I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think i have two assholes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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