I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
