A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
