I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
