I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
