I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
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