U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
