i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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