I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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