I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
