Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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