OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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