I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
