I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize