The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
