I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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