After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
