Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
