Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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