Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
