wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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