He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize