i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
