"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
