just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
