I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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