Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
