Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
