Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
