Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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