Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
