Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I love you.
Bad choice
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
