never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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