My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
