oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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