Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
