where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
