He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
