1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
