I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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