but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
