i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize