If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You can't just leave with hair like that
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize