mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
