There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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