We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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