I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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