My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
