Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
